101 Uses for the Auckland SkyTower (SkyCity)

Compiled by Paul Bourke

See also
Photo Gallery
Where Reality meets Myth
How it measures up

You can submit an entry to the email address shown here.


A downpipe for the roof of the REAL casino that they will replace the current tiny temporary one with.

Lay it down so it connects with the Albert Park Air Raid Shelters This would then form a 1km tunnel from Constitutional hill to the Casino.

Selwyn Everson
Attach spiral tubes and use as the worlds longest hydro slide.

A ploy to get Sydney to extend the Centrepoint tower. It is only 305 metres from the street, the Auckland tower will be 326 above the street. The Sydney tower was designed in imperial units being exactly 1000 feet tall, too bad the Auckland tower isn't a third of a kilometer.

Matiu Carr
UFO sited over Auckland City

A giant windmill to supply the CBD with electricity

A safety valve to vent Auckland's dormant volcanoes

Otago University Chemistry Department
Chop it down to form a cross harbour tunnel

Graham Peate
It will provide the shadow for the worlds largest sundial (when suitably calibrated - for use by astronauts and other space visitors).

Firecracker for the Chinese New Year celebrations

When complete it will be lowered into its final position of 20 degrees. It then acts as the great cannon to protect the harbour from invasion.

Cost Club, Hamilton
Lightning conductor for Auckland City

Pam Locke
Sign post for World's Biggest Billboard (or a road sign)

A monument to the multilingual community in Auckland, a tower of Babel if you like!

A lamppost providing light over the whole CBD

PermaGrain Products, Inc
For all the beautiful native timber in NZ, Harrah had to get much of the wood finishes from the USA! (Newtown Square, PA - Timeless Series II, acrylic impregnated hardwood flooring, from PermaGrain Products, Inc)

Wayne Webb
Something for King Kong to hang off of when the next remake is done here.


First of two posts for a grand trans Tasman rugby match.

Chris Inglis
The ultimate in Bungi jump sites or a maypole for those who are a little faint hearted.

John Harvey
Launching pad for Harrah's inaugural "Birdman Hi-jump Competition"

The worlds largest javlin pole being prepared for the 2000 olympics

Jim Wilson
Golf tee for Zeus

Hamish Wilson
So Aucklanders can still see the Ranfurly shield


Paul Bourke
A part of the solution to Aucklands traffic problems. Cables will be strung from the top of the tower to the major centres around Auckland. Commuters will be whisked in "flying fox" style from the central city.

Philip Brown
Spaceship to Mars, the start of New Zealands space program. See the rocket boosters

Dave Parker
Cable car pole from the Sydney Centerpoint tower to Auckland.

Johnny Irons
Parking Meter for Zeppelins

City of Sails

Mooring post for the next Americas cup yatch.

Paul Bourke
Mast to sail the North Island away from the growing ozone hole

It's the main mast on the next NZ's Cup defender.


Wayne Webb
Designed to poke the next hole in the ozone layer

David Slack
High tide marker once global warming kicks in.

An umbrella which will open in summer to shield Auckland central from UV radiation.


Simon Buckingham
The Skytower is really an anti-drug sign to be seen from Sydney. It is in the shape of a hypodermic needle to highlight drug abuse. They just forgot to add the giant sign saying "Just Say No".

Maryanne & Paul
An instrument for the politicians to shaft all of NZ with at once!

An Auckland vision of the size of the needle required to give the New Zealand economy the "shot in the arm" the Government is always telling us it is about to provide.

Martin Newell
A nuclear missile being prepared to launch onto australia for a NZ invasion.

David Jones-Prichard
It's the new flagpole for next years New Zealand Day festivities. Try and chop this one down!

Laurie Carroll
The escape vehicle for forgetful business men if SOMEONE should remember anything about Cook Islands tax deals, in the inquiry....

Heinz Matysik
A gigantic lightning conductor, intended to save the beehive from a lightning strike and zap the rest of New Zealand instead.

The NZ Scene

Ying & Yang couple with the Victoria Street Market chimney.

Water tower if/when Auckland has its next water crisis.

Steven Anderson
To allow Aucklanders to view Australia without actually going there

A landmark for overseas flights trying to find the new Auckland Overseas Terminal

Lockie Martin
Water storage tank for Auckland Central so that Auckland does not have to admit that there is life south of the Bombay Hills and get water from the Waikato river

Ross McMillan
Spare section for the Waikato-Auckland water pipeline.

Peter Jones
To see if there is life south of the Bombay Hills

A proof to Aucklanders that despite the Christchurch casino being open for years theirs is better

Just plain silly

Anne Woodley
I firmly believe that the sky tower is actually a secret ploy to make a grab at the worlds biggest shish kebab record. Even as we speak, down in southern Fiordland, the sightings of giant Moa are not as erroneous as we may imagine, they are actually the worlds biggest chickens for the worlds biggest shish kebab.

A giant barber pole

Darren Bilby
- The worlds largest lava lamp
- Giant goldfish aquarium

Peter Dobson
Built as a last remaining "Post", as Power New Zealand are removing all overhead lines. It's purpose can now be filled by Fido, who is busting to relieve himself.

Bob Eason
A laser beam to fry unwellcome aliens from outerspace.

Tim White
In desperation, Jack, who has wandered too far from his bean stalk, shimmies down the Auckland Sky Tower to safety.

Mark de Clive-Lowe
Head office for Dunkin' Donuts NZ

Phil Judd
What they haven't told you is that the aliens really are coming. Yes, they are on their way, in their brand new space faring technology - interstellar balloons! The politicians of New Zealand (in their ever-present wisdom) decided to lobby the newest Casino builders on the block to help protect the greatest city in the world, with one gigantic balloon-popping needle!

Wayne Webb
NZ's biggest turkey thermometer - now that it's popped out - our goose is cooked

An Auckland landmark.

Off colour

John Irons
New Zealand's first supersonic long-drop

Simon Gianoutsos
A test site for industrial condoms

A rectal thermometer for some of the world's biggest assholes.

Heinz Matysik
The world's biggest sewerage pipe bomb.